10. What To Say When You're Not Ok

You’ve decided to speak up — but now you’re stuck on how.
What if you say the wrong thing?
What if it comes out messy, or emotional, or awkward?

That’s okay. In fact, that’s expected.

This lesson gives you a gentle roadmap for what to say when you’re ready to open up.
Not a script you have to follow — but a framework to help the truth come out.

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🧡 The Most Important Three Words
“I’m not okay.”

That’s it. That’s the heart of it.

If those are the only words you can find right now, you’ve already done the hard part.

You don’t need to have it all figured out.
You don’t have to share every detail.

You have complete control over what you say, how much you say, and when you say it.

Just be real. No sugarcoating.

Even if your voice shakes.
Even if you ramble.
Even if you cry.

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🧭 The Conversation Flow
Here’s a helpful structure for what to say, step by step:

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1. Check In — Start the Conversation
Ease in. Set the tone.

Here are some simple, effective ways to begin:

• “This is hard for me to say, but I’m struggling right now and didn’t know who to tell. Do you mind if I talk to you about it?”
• “You might have noticed I’ve been acting differently. I wanted to let you know why.”
• “I’ve been following this mental health movement called Heart On My Sleeve, and it’s inspired me to speak up. You’re the first person I thought of.”
• “I’m not okay. I’ve been feeling off for months now, and I don’t want to keep going through it alone.”
• “Would you feel comfortable if I opened up to you about something personal?”

💡 These don’t have to sound polished. Just honest.

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2. Share How You’re Feeling
Let them know what emotions or symptoms you’ve been experiencing.
These might come from your personal warning signs or internal changes.

You could say:

• “Lately I’ve been feeling really low.”
• “Most mornings I wake up thinking, what’s the point?”
• “It’s like my whole body feels like a ton of bricks.”
• “The hardest part is that I don’t know when this is going to end.”
• “I’ve been doing things that aren’t helping, like drinking more than I should.”

You don’t need to get it all out at once.
Focus on what’s most pressing for you right now.

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3. Provide Context (If You Want To)
If there’s a situation or trigger that’s contributing to how you feel, it can help to name it.

Try something like:

• “Ever since the breakup, I’ve felt like I’m not myself.”
• “It’s been a build-up — stress at work, COVID isolation, financial pressure.”
• “I think it’s hitting me so hard because I’ve felt so alone for a long time.”
• “I honestly don’t know why this is happening, but it’s overwhelming.”

This gives the other person some grounding — and it can help you make sense of things too.

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4. Be Honest About What You Need
Sometimes we expect others to just “know” how to support us.
But most people want to help — they just need to be told how.

Here are some ways to ask for support:

• “I don’t need you to fix anything — I just needed someone to listen.”
• “Could we go for a walk and talk once a week? That would really help me.”
• “What’s worked for you in the past? Do you have a psychologist recommendation?”
• “Can you help me stay accountable for not drinking as much on the weekends?”

💡 Being specific is a gift — it takes the guesswork away and helps people show up with confidence.

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🤍 Final Reminders
You don’t have to get it perfect.
You don’t need to cover everything at once.
You don’t need to be calm, polished, or composed.

You just need to be real.

If the only thing you say is, “I’m not okay,” — that’s enough.
It’s the beginning of a new chapter — one where you don’t carry it alone.